Thursday, January 19, 2012

No Solicitation

This sign is taped on the brick, right next to my front door. No, it's not a joke. That sign means that if you knock on my door selling anything, you are trespassing. You do it one more time during nap time and the Pville police will finally get some action. I'm talking to you too girl scouts. Your cookies, while delicious will be purchased when I venture out to the 6-12 and not during nap on my front porch.

The sign is out of desperation. You can gasp and clutch your pearls over its glaring lack of class and I will not be able to conjure an ounce of care.

I live in a large block style neighborhood "in" town, walking distance from the high school. Im also home Mondays and Friday, which apparently prime door to door selling time. Specifically Monday & Friday during the hours of 9-11 & 2-4.

This Monday during afternoon nap, no less than 4, four, FOUR people knocked on our door between 3:30-4:30. They all knock softly. I don't even hear them. All I hear is Sport the Dog crapping his fur behind the couch as if the Gustapo are there to drag him from the comfort of his heating vent. It's only while trying to wiggle my larger than average rear end behind the couch to get to him that I glimpse the sellers on my porch.

They know I'm home, they keep knocking, he keeps barking. If I open the door I'll then be holding back 2 50lb dogs, now both barking at the Better Gutter guy. Or I can ignore it and hope the child sleeps through the barking/knocking symphony. Both options destined to fail. FOUR times we did this. Thank heavens every time Riley woke up but quickly fell back to sleep.

I'm lucky I haven't broken a bone in my mad dash to get to him and quiet him down before he wakes the babe up. I have had enough. I don't need cookies, popcorn, a 3rd subscription to the Inquirer, new gutters, another basement and you already hosed us on the house alarm.

Knock at your own risk. You will regret it.


  1. my friend made a sign that said if you wake the baby, you take the baby.

  2. HA, Pff! The bigger question is, do they all know what "solicitation" means? :)

    My mom used to have a plastic sign she got somewhere like a yield sign that said, "Baby Sleeping, Please Do Not Ring Bell."

  3. Haha I did wonder if they would know what solicitation meant. I wouldn't fault any kids if they continue to knock, although I will gently explain what it means.

    I probably should throw some glitter on the sign so it doesn't seem so harsh.

  4. When I am working from home I sometimes add a sign to my door that says "Meetings in progress. Do NOT knock or ring the doorbell". It works most times. Maybe a sign that says "Sleeping Baby Inside. Do Not Disturb"