I Failed

As predicted by both Endocrinologist and perinatologist I crashed and burned on my Glucose Tolerance Test (GTT).

I was told from the get go that I'd be skipping the 1 hour and going straight to 3 hour because of my preexisting condition and the likelihood of passing a one hour was slim to none and closer to none. So I was surprised that at our last appointment they gave me a slip and instructions for the 1hr. Someone wasn't reading charts that morning.

I, ever the optimistic, kept my damn mouth shut and crossed my fingers! Anything can happen, right?? I managed to convince myself that by passing a one hr GTT it would be a sign for a positive fertile future. I told myself that your reproductive system (especially those pesky mutinous ovaries) shuts down and reboots during pregnancy. So if I passed it meant that maybe my body was working on it's issues and correcting itself. It meant I wouldn't relive this year. It meant I was fixed.

It meant jack shit. Shame on me for getting my hopes up over something that was so far fetched. Seriously, I knew better. I knew i was grasping at straws. Just like I know now that failing the GTT now is NOT a sign either way for what the future holds.

I KNOW this, so what the F is my damn problem? I'm more upset than I should be. I'm pissed that even with really watching my weight and intake that I failed. I'm pissed that I even did the 1 hour. I'm pissed that I'm pissed because I KNEW!!

It is not the end of the world and I will acknowledge being more upset than I should be. I guess I just really really hoped for good news.

So I have 7 days to take the 3 hour GTT at the hospital. They don't have Saturday hours so I guess next week is my only option. I'm hoping Paul is going to be able to go with me. Fasting, Glucola and 4 blood draws is not going to make for a happy momma!