Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Discipline

DISCLAIMER: I do not care how you chose to discipline/parent/raise/teach your child. Whatever works for your family is what is best for you. I firmly believe that there is no right and wrong philosophies in parenting and both mine and anyone elses can come back to bite them in the butt.

In the last week I've heard the words "time-out" used multiple times. Some practicing, some saying they realized their child had been put in it at school, some posting articles & studies relating to time out. Finally, Paul and I staring at our 15 month old with her rebel heart a country mile wide half way up the steps for what was probably the 35th time that day thinking maybe distraction & occupation weren't working with our determined child.

The very next day a friend posted an article from Janet Lansbury, who is on the board and teaches RIE classes (Resources for Infant Educarers, get it...educarers ). The article found HEREis about teaching children proper behavior & really made sense to me.

I have never been a time out fan. One of the reasons we chose our daycare is because they do not utilize time out as a punishment on younger children. I do feel it is an effective means of discipline on an older child, one who can mentally & emotionally make the connection between behavior and consequence. My 15 month old cannot, I don't feel.

I worry when I see Riley push or take or repeatedly do things that she shouldn't really be doing. I always wonder about how much I need to be involved. Point number 2 (Don’t be afraid, or take misbehavior personally) & 3 Respond in the moment, calmly, like a CEO) in the article really make sense to me. I've noticed as Riley has become more independant that my yelling, finger pointing & sometimes shrillness do nothing but illicit more screaming, mimicked finger pointing (God help me) and laughter as mommy's reaction is hilarious, I'll do that again! That's not a 15 month old being purposefully naughty, it's her reacting to my reaction.

Up until the last few days & obsessive reading I truly thought that I was doing something wrong. I was an ineffective parent. Maybe that's not the case. Maybe she's just a typical toddler exploring her world & learning as only she knows how & reacting to an over reactive mother. It will be interesting to see if we can utilize some of these things. I do not like to yell and do not like the look I get from her when I do, maybe yelling is unecessary. Maybe it's ok to allow her to learn natural consequenses. Maybe she wants upstairs for a reason & there really is no reason we can't go up there other than mommy doesn't feel like it. Who knows.

SECOND DISCLAIMER: this is also not me saying the girl should have no discipline & be allowed to rule the house and do as she pleases. This is me thinking that maybe there is a different way to teach proper behavior than what many are traditionally used to.

1 comment:

  1. we are big fans of natural discipline here and my issues are always at what point do i stop my kid from exploring/playing with other kids? i always apologize for her because i do not want other parents to be like, omgggggg she lets her kid all over my kid. but, that's hwo they lear, that's how the explore and if she's not hurting that other kid and that other kid doesn't mind, i let it go, but i still aplogize ha. most times they all say, it's okay , its okay, but i dont want to NOT aplogize and them think OMG she's letting herkid go wild. haha.

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